Do You Panic Before Sex?

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Sex is supposed to be one of the highlights of the human experience but highlights can turn into high anxiety faster than you can say, turn off the lights! With each new partner, the roar of panic can rear its ugly head. If you think you can make your new person wait until you have calmed down - not an option.

Just ask anyone who has decided to wait for a few weeks, or months. The more time to think it through, the more scary scenarios come to mind, the more meaning is thrust upon the act and the more panic you have to deal with!

What if it's bad? What if it's good? What does this mean? What will I do? Will they like what I do? Will I like what they do? Performance anxiety can be crippling. But someone's got to be doing something right because you're about to do it again. Chances are, most of those nights were pretty hot and heavy. But this can be of little comfort when you are wiping your sweaty palms on your tidy whiting hoping it will all go okay this time.

If you are one of those people who panic at the disco - here are some tips to keep you in the mood and out of your head.

Body love
Always remember, your body looks better than you think. No one looks like people in the magazines - not even the people in the magazines! Living in an age of photo-shopping, airbrushing and digitizing has clearly distorted our ideas of beauty and perfection. Even though most of us have seen god and goddess-like bodies on TV doesn't mean that anyone is expecting these in the bedroom. The truth is, there are a lot of imperfect bodies having great sex. And you can be one of them!

Think back on all the lovers you've ever had, chances are, the partner with the most outward beauty wasn't the one with the most pizzazz in the sheets. Your new partner was into you before you took your clothes off, showing your skin is only going to turn the heat up. The dirty truth is that most men like more meat on their women and most women like to be better looking than their men! So, yes, the model boys and girls in the magazines are pretty to look at, but don't let that stop you from getting your groove on.

It's just sex
Having sex doesn't mean you're getting married. It's sex. It's a natural physical act that has been happening since Adam and Eve. You don't have to reinvent it with new gymnastics or jungle sounds or take it to a spiritual realm beyond our dimension. It's fun and great and has health benefits. However, it's not the ultimate answer to whether or not you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person. That's not to say that couples don't bond when they are having sex. Yes, of course that is part of it. But just because you are having sex doesn't mean you are more of a couple than you were the day before you were having sex. And if you are having sex to "prove" you are a couple, you may be in for a very painful shock!

If you have questions about your relationship, then ask your partner. Don't answer doubts in your mind with mind-blowing sex. Because no matter how great the sex is, if the relationship isn't growing outside of the boudoir, you can't make it happen in the dark.

Don't ask!
Remember, sex becomes very unsexy under interrogation. One terrible symptom of sex panic is the desire for repeated reassurance from your new partner of how good you are in bed. There is really nothing less sexy than analyzing the sex you just had. The only reason you are doing it is because you are insecure. And insecurity won't go away from one quick answer of "It was great!" (which, by the way, is the only right answer to give - because that just leads to the worst question ever, "Am I the best?" of which, again, the only answer is "Yes" - unless you are not planning on having sex with this person again in the near future).

The problem here is that the memory of fantastic sex from the weekend you found yourself in a land of threesomes and trees made of money may actually be the best sex of all time - for that time in your life. But sex with someone you care about can't be compared to the raging hormones of adolescence because it's just a different landscape. This isn't to say that you can't have great sex after your twenties - in fact just the opposite as you get to know your body and your partner's - but asking to compare your real relationship in the present to treasured memories from years past is just going to put everyone in a very bad mood. And that's not a turn on at all.

If you're still freaking out, then it's time to have some fantasy fun. You need to lay down and imagine this encounter going very, very, very well. Remember that sexiness starts and ends in your head. The great times you've had in the past were because you are sexy! So open your eyes, smile and bring that sex energy with you everywhere you go. It's not just for the specified time under the sheets. Sexiness is a 24/7 deal. So practice feeling good and attractive all the time. Then, when the sex panic strikes, it'll be a walk in the park. Naked. With someone you adore. See, you're smiling already.